How to Let Go of People and Relationships

Originally written in 2017

Have you ever felt like you give and give with barely any reciprocity? And when that person gives you a little something in return you notice that there's something for them to gain from the exchange? Feels icky, right?

Yeah, yeah. I know the saying is to give without wishing to receive - or something along those lines.

But I’m talking about support and energy.

I'm in the thick of this life lesson and the process of releasing it so I've been doing a lot of work around it lately. Not going to lie: it's crazy hard to find peace in situations like this.

But I believe it's possible.

If there is only one thing that you take away from this post, let it be this:

Your tribe is out there.

We're lucky because in today's age we can hop on the internet and find these people quickly. You can easily find groups on Facebook that are focused on your interests. You can find videos on YouTube of people sharing things that resonate with you and help you realize you're not alone.

Your people are out there but you have to go find them.

Yesterday morning was shitty. Extra, super-duper, lock me in a room by myself shitty. I woke up feeling robbed, played, and completely and utterly unsupported. Thoughts of "why" flooded my brain and my blood boiled.

You know when you are in a crummy situation and your brain starts playing hypothetical scenarios and you can't turn it off? That's the worst and that’s what was happening.

But I knew that I had to zoom out and look at this from a bird's eye view.

I told myself: Whit, you're not for everyone and everyone isn't for you.

I also reminded myself that some people come into our lives for forever and some come just for a little while. And that's ok.

Yesterday morning was the perfect storm.

Let me just get really honest here. I realized that some relationships that I thought were friendships are actually just business. I realized that a lot of people in my life are completely out of tune with what I'm doing now and my goals for my future and - here's the kicker - they see snippets but don't care enough or aren’t interested enough to ask or engage.

I'm sure you can relate to this. Maybe you text and call and message an old friend often to keep the relationship going but you feel like you're the only one who cares. Maybe you have a relationship at work that makes you feel like you're always stepping up and doing for others but when you need a hand, nobody can be found.

So, what do we do in these super shitty situations?

Instead of becoming angry and resentful, we must release all expectations we have of others. We must also quit wasting our energy and time on those folks and reserve our precious resources for people and situations that lift us up.

Y'all, we are not for everyone. And everyone isn't for us.

We cannot take personally the actions of others - or lack of actions. We're all different for a reason. We all process things differently and view things differently. We grow apart. We evolve into our true selves. We enjoy relationships and then they die off. And that's completely fine.

“letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.”

— unknown

Letting go isn't easy.

Here is a meditation to help you move through the process with love and ease.

In the light

This one is a good one and I've used it many times when I’m dealing with people who are upsetting me, frustrating me, or downright pissing me off.

Close your eyes and envision yourself and this person in a bright white light. Be with them in these moments and recall fun moments, memories, lessons learned, etc. that you experienced with them. Thank them for being a part of your story. Send them gratitude. Send them love. Send them light. Acknowledge that the time has come for you to part ways and understand that is perfectly fine. Focus on what you gained from the relationship, not what you're losing.

{This meditation is totally flexible so put the phone down. You don't need to read it word for word or do it in order. Just allow yourself to feel gratitude, forgiveness, and love around the whole situation.}

xo